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Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob just went straight over to Joe’s place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When [...]

It was two o’clock in the morning and a husband and wife were asleep, when suddenly the phone rang.
 
The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? … How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" — and promptly slammed the phone down.
His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?"
The [...]

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. ‘Careful,’ he said, ‘CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to [...]

A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed. So the man says to his wife "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill" She [...]

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room discussing a “Living Will”
"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine
and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all the beer.
 
 

Joan and her neighbor are talking about their daughters, Joan says, "my daughter is at the university. She’s very bright, you know. Every time we get a letter from her we have to go to the dictionary."
Her neighbour says,  "you are lucky every time we hear from our daughter we have to go to the [...]