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A rich millionaire throws a massive party for his 50th birthday. During this party, he grabs the microphone and announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it.
"I will give anything of mine to the man who swims across that [...]

This guy goes into a doctor’s office. The doctor says, "Oh, Mr. Jones! We have the results of your test.
Do you want the bad news first or the very bad news?"
The guy shrugs and says, "Well I guess I’ll have the bad news first."
"Well the bad news is, you have 24 hours to live," the [...]

Discussing the environment with his friend, John asked, “Which of our natural resources do you think will become exhausted first?”
“The taxpayer,” replied his friend.
 

Did you water the plants, Sofia, asked the mistress of the house?
“Of course, ma’am,” Sofia said. “Don’t you hear the water dripping on the carpet?”
 

Jim happened to bump into is friend Greg at the tennis club.
“So, Jim said, “How’s it working out with that shrink I recommended.”
“Great,” Greg said. “I mean, when I started, I was the most arrogant, self-impressed egomaniac on God’s green earth.”
Now, he shrugged, “you couldn’t ask to meet a more terrific guy than me.”