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A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up.
After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of almonds. She repeats [...]

 
An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying.
The bartender asks, “What’s wrong?” The old man looks at the bartender through
Teary eyes and between sobs says, “I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper, extremely sensitive to my wants and [...]

Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat’s milk was used.
She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. ‘These’ she explained, ‘Are the older goats put out to [...]

Two old drunks in a bar. The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn’t bend it with either of my hands.
By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard.
"By the time I was 50, I could bend it [...]

Some boyscouts went to see an old veteran in the nursing home and he was telling them about the war.
He said "One time while on a mission, a lion jumped out and went ROAR. I crapped myself."
One of the boys said "That’s understandable, we would be scared of a lion, too."
The old man said "No, [...]

An elderly gentleman is standing at the pearly gates and St. Peter addresses him:
"All you need to have done is one good deed, and we will allow you passage into heaven."
The old man says, “No problem,” as he recounts to St. Peter that he once stopped at an intersection and saw a motorcycle gang harassing [...]